Have you been single for longer than you would like? Do you believe that there's nobody out there for you? Are you questioning if you'll ever meet your life partner?
Falling in love is one of the most wonderful human experiences. If you are single with a desire to meet someone and fall in love, then here's five questions to ask yourself that can help you to lay the foundations for finding someone and enjoying a fantastic relationship:
1. Are you resisting being single?
The first step towards meeting someone is to clear any resistance you may have towards being single. As the famous phrase goes - what you resist persists - so as long as you are resistant to your current relationship status, it will most likely continue. Ask: What is it about being single that I do not like? Perhaps you dislike coming home to an empty house or you believe you can't be happy until you've met your soulmate?
Irrespective of your personal reasons, aim to get peace with the current reality. What could make your home more welcoming to come home to? What sort of things make you happy, beyond being in a relationship? Contentment and happiness are much more attractive than neediness and 'please love me'. Enjoy your time being single as it has many upsides.
2. Have you resolved relationship hurts?
When we have been hurt in the past, then we can unconsciously protect ourself from future hurt. Despite wanting to meet someone, there can be a part of us that believes it's safer to stay single - so that is how we remain. This can happen because we have an incongruent and conflicted desire. In other words, a part of you wants to meet someone and another part of you doesn't, which sends a mixed message out into the world.
Ask: What is it about the past relationship that hurt? What can I know now that, if I had known it in the past, I would have never felt that way in the first place? Explore more positive ways of remembering the relationship and get peace with the past. Doing so will provide you with a more congruent desire that is supported by 100% of your mind, body and soul.
3. Do you know you are worthy?
Do you know, in your heart, that you are fully worthy of experiencing the most wonderful love-filled relationship? Are you fully willing to let love into your life? One of the reasons people don't meet anyone is because they don't believe they are worthy of the love they want. This stops them approaching people that they 'fancy' and has them talk themselves out of the possibility of anyone wanting them.
You are worthy. Right now. Simply because you exist! Not because you are a 'good catch' in the eyes of society. Or due to any other reason that you can come up with that would justify your worthiness. Repeat after me 'I am worthy'. When you fully know this, then life will reflect it back to you. (If you need to nurture this knowing more deeply, then I recommend checking out the Body Calm meditation technique inside the Calm Clan.)
4. Do you think there's nobody out there?
I had been single for a couple years and had moved to a small town outside London where I only knew two people - who were married! It was suggested to me that I join a dating website. Not to necessarily meet anyone, but to heal the belief that I was carrying that 'there is nobody out there'. So I did exactly that! I joined a dating website and saw there were loads of people - just like me - also looking to be in a relationship. This gave my mind evidence to come to a new conclusion about my relationship prospects.
I believe clearing that misinformed belief paved the way for me to see the opportunities to meet someone - but I had perviously not been seeing due to being blinded by the belief. So either take my word for it - there are thousands of people out there looking for love - or join a dating site (again, not necessarily to search for someone, but to heal the belief that there's nobody out there).
5. Are you too clear on who you want?
Yes you read that right! You may have assumed I would suggest in this article that you should get clear on what you want i.e. write your relationship shopping list, of sorts. Well, I don't actually believe that's the way to go. I've met many people who are single and very clear on what they want. To the point that their list has become so long and their relationship requirements so specific, that they are missing a multitude of perfect people. I'm with the woman of my dreams - she's exactly what I didn't know I wanted! Life had bigger relationship plans for me that I had for myself. By letting go of the specific details, I became open to meet the perfect person for me.
By no longer resisting being single, healing past relationship hurts, knowing you are worthy and realising that there are lots of available people out there, you can create a wonderful platform for the perfect relationship. And by being open-minded and hearted as to who you should be with and letting life present them to you, then all you need to do is be ready to say 'yes' when the perfect person comes along.
SANDY C. NEWBIGGING
I teach meditation and heal the hidden causes of health and life issues. I also write books, run an online community and academy and ride motorbikes.
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